Real

Tomorrow, I am flying to New York City.


I have been telling myself this all day, trying to make it sink in. But it still feels surreal, a fantasy, like at any moment I am going to be wrenched awake and faced with the sad reality of my boring life.

But this is real.

The backpack sitting on my bed, stuffed like a Thanksgiving turkey and the zippers straining to prove it, is real. My crisp passport with all but one international stamp, lying snug inside my travel wallet, is real. The ticket waiting for me at Brisbane International Airport, is real. My seat on the plane to New York City, is real. All. Oh. So. Real.

I still feel a little lost – like I should be feeling more. Like I should be scared shitless or so excited I can’t sleep. But despite the ‘real’ I am faced with as I pack up my life and kiss everyone goodbye, I still feel strangely empty inside. There are no overwhelming nerves tempting me to chew off all my nails. No buzz of excitement pulsing through my veins. Tonight- my last night in Australia, my last night with my family, my last night eating a home-cooked meal and sleeping in my warm little bed – feels like any other ordinary night.

It’s as if I am somehow at peace with all the excitement and the nerves. I have spent 10 long months coming to grips with the fact that I am going that in my own head, I think I am already gone. I think I left a long time ago, the moment I first saw the website for Appel Farm Summer Camp.

But I can’t deny that the excitement still gets to me. It creeps up on me every now and again and gives me a nudge, a reminder that even though I might feel calm, this is still the most exciting thing I’ve ever done. This is still the bravest, the biggest, the ballsiest leap of faith I’ve ever made. You can’t fool yourself out of that kind of excitement.

Tomorrow, I am flying to New York City. Tomorrow I am gone.

Ciao for now. xo