KH COMMENTARY: The Blame Game

Late one night earlier this week, on a bar stool at my favourite pub in Surry Hills, I had an epiphany. It was one of those 'the-light-finally-came-on' moments where my life was suddenly plunged into garishly harsh perspective.

I was lamenting with a close friend about a sticky situation they were in and upon offering up some advice, I came out with, "You know, in the end, it's all about taking responsibility for your own life."

What a little pearl of wisdom! I almost fell off my bar stool, and it wasn't from too many vodka, sodas and limes.

My friend's reaction said I had certainly struck the right chord. But as I sat on the bar stool and my friend ordered another round, I started to get the sneaky suspicion that my life-altering affirmation was a little fraudulent. As I thought about my own life and the sticky situations I was currently trying to contend with, I wondered how much I was really taking responsibility for. And my answer didn't feel good.

It's so easy to blame mistakes, difficulties and problems on everybody other than yourself. When you're going through a tough time and you can't seem to catch a break or your breathe, you turn to every other excuse under the sun to gain some kind of reason for the situation you are in.

"I can't let my parents/best friend/boyfriend down."

"I can't do that job. I don't have the experience."

"I failed that exam because they didn't give us enough resources."

"It's not up to me to decide."

"I can't change."

"I don't have any control over this situation."

Excuses excuses excuses! These statements are like pain-killers. They'll numb the hurt and regrets for awhile, but their effects are only temporary. Soon enough, that sick feeling will fill your gut once again and you'll self-diagnose your problems with excuses that you know aren't really true.

Society loves the old adage 'No regrets' or if you're going to regret, 'that it's better to regret something you did, than something you didn't'. But either way, I think if you're going to do something or not do something, you have to do it or not do it off your own bat. You have to take responsibility for your own life, so if 20 years down the track, you find yourself regretting a life you're unhappy with and you begin pointing the finger of blame, the only person on the short-list should be yourself.

All those excuses and reasons, mean bupkiss. We all have the control to change our lives and change the direction that we're heading. If you have an addiction, you can stop. If you're rebelling against what's right, you can stop. If you're in a toxic environment, you can stop.

It's about suiting up or putting on your big-girl pants and taking responsibility for the choices you make and declaring ownership over them.

So between sitting on that bar stool and typing up this post, I've decided that's what I'm going to do with my life. I can lament all I want. I can cry over the hand I've been dealt and try and satisfy myself with excuses and reasons which still don't make the future any clearer. Or I can take lemons and make lemonade.

And as a fan of lemonade, I'm choosing the latter.